DOES SIZE REALLY MATTER?
Forgive me father - for it has been 28 years since my last confession.
Today I hit a pigeon in the road. It was already dead but I think I may have ran over it. Does this count as murder? I mean if I shot someone who was already dead does that make me a killer? I'm not sure. What if the pigeon was alive and slowly creeping towards the curb. Did I do a good thing by driving over it? Euthanasia? Would it have lived a full and meaningful life - paying its taxes and being a good pigeon? I don't know.
In my life I have killed a whole manner of insects and small mammals. Recently, however, I caught a squirrel in my loft using a giant cage and a brazil nut. Despite being willed to murder the little shit my emotions prevailed and I released the squirrel 450 kilometers away from my house and took several left left right left left left left right turns in order to try and lose it. It has not come back.
But why didn't I kill it? This has vexed me for a while and I now think I have the answer. Size. Yes - in answer to all male dominated questions - Does size matter? The answer is yes. I can easily, without thinking kill an ant, a wasp, or a fly. I have hit birds in my car and not really flinched. But when you step up from the mouse / rat / bird size - It becomes a little more difficult. If there was a rabbit in your bathroom, behind the washbag, would you stamp on it - no! If you caught a donkey flying around your kitchen light would you swat it. No! How about a badger in your garden at night? You see this is why I had trouble with the squirrel. It's too big. It messes with my mind. I once ran over a cat in my car but musn't have caught it on the wheel. It probably hit the bumper. I saw it running away in my rear view mirror and was worried for days about this.
So in order to try and see whether this is just me I propose a question for all commenteers (!?) to answer. What is the largest animal you have killed? Answers please on a postcard and yes, humans do count although Dick Cheney need not apply. Mine's an Otter.
15 Comments:
Thanks for the comment!
This blog happens to be the most entertaining thing I've stumbled upon in a long time. Keep up the great work, I love your style.
I think you've found yourself a new reader (um.. me.)
I'm lucky, the largest animal I've killed was a quail. I still felt bad though....
~whitney~
Murderer, I’m dialling 999 or 911 as everyone else uses. It could have still been alive desperately trying to get help from passers by. The squirrel you found, you could have killed and been saved from prison my friend.
Just think, every time you yawn, you swallow and kill millions of bacteria.
I think this qualifies you as a mass murderer! :p
You seriously have better not have killed an otter? They are endangered.
The biggest thing I ever killed was a baby seal so I could make a lovely muff from it.
I must resist making jokes about your lovely muff - it would be just too easy (no pun intended)
hello, will you have a look at my blog and post a comment abot something because I have no comments at all
That's a bit forward Michael. Easy on the first date...
I've never killed anything bigger than an insect. I think to mosquitoes are take revenge for their fallen brothers at the moment.
hmmm - the Law Student in me can sfaely tell you that that is not murder. Well, it isn't here, anyway :P
Haven't killed anyTHING interesting, I'm afraid. ;) Just kidding. I agree - size seems to matter. Easier to personify bigger creatures.
I dont remember ever killing an animal. But I remember a neighbor kid of mine from a long time ago, shooting a bird with a pellet gun.
Needless to say, he was EXTREMELY lucky he wasnt pulling pellets out of his butt for the next week. I was so MAD!
But that was a long time ago, LOL.
Very good blog.
I generally subscribe to the peace- loving, Jane Buddhist school of thought...that all living things have a life force and that killing anything at all is wrong.
Except, of course: cockroaches, spiders, ants, poinonous snakes, rats, any other rodent that isn't as cute as, say, a hamster or something...oh, and Kirsten Dunst.
I mean, pfft...no one's perfect.
I agree with Stu. The largest creature I have ever killed was an spider, and even then I didn't want to.
Why would someone kill something if it wasn't doing anything bad to them?!
oh, you're sooo going to jail for this mate! i'm so on to you now, murderer! ;)
The largest thing I ever killed would have to be my ex-husband. O shit, I forgot he is still alive. Guess the poison didn't work.
Seriously, don't any of you people fish or hunt? I live in a city, but still go up to the mountains occationaly to catch a fish or two. The fresh ones are much better than the cellophane wrapped bits in the grocery store.
I'm a big pansy, I haven't killed anything for years, even spiders or bugs. I take them out of the house. Being a pet lover the thought of killing anything fluffy would send me into hysterics and since Antz and Bugs came out as films I can't look at them the same way either! I imagine their grieving ant families.
The only thing I'm heartless with would be mosquitos in the bedroom at night. If i get bitten I have a huge red ugly mark for WEEKS.
No insect is getting between me and my wardrobe. They only live for 24 hours anyway right?
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