Just when I feel that I am breaking all 'I've not been ill' records and putting myself in contention as the 'Fittest man in the west' - I succumb to a sodding cold.

Today I feel like shit. Whilst trying to stop my nose from dripping all over my work colleagues I have also been attempting to moisten my ever drying throat. The benefit of all of this however is that in line with being ill I also turn into the most sarcastic man in the whole of England. I become a master of deadpan and emperor of delivery - all without even indicating humour. To the untrained eye I become a twat, but to a surveyor of all things evil I am a master. Stuff uttered today:

"Do you think he decided to wear that?"
"If I close my eyes and count to ten will you piss off?"
"Hats look really good on you"
"Who the fuck made that advert?" (Talking about the Frosties advert – a post all to itself is coming I can feel it)
"Oh, I thought that you were going to do it properly"
"I'm sorry I didn't realise you were ten stone overweight"

Anyway - I thought I would share this with you as it is the only enjoyment that I get in times of trouble.

p.s. This is not man-flu. If it were, then I would obviously be unable to type and would require you to bring me my lunch. A bacon sandwich would probably help thanks.