The Great Escape...
It's getting close to being four months until I tie the old knot (no not a vasectomy - I'm getting married.) Yes old scraps is hanging up his testicles for a life of crosswords, slippers and pipe smoking. At times like this I like to reflect on my life to date. During one of these moments of reflection I started to think about my old imaginary friend. Where is he now? Jonathon or 'Jono' as I used to call him would follow me around everywhere - always looking over my shoulder. In the end I managed to lose him at a service station near Winchester during a summer holiday with my parents. I was 8 years old.
During the early stages of our two years together (1984 - 86) it was all fun - playing tennis together (he'd let me win) and exchanging stories about various people. Towards the end though it all went bitter. It started when he wet the bed and blamed me. I decided not to speak to him after this but he continued to nag me. Flicking my ear and spitting in my food. We ended up having a really big fight where he threw me out of the window and I landed on the conservatory roof. It was at this point that I started planning how to lose him - culminating in a military style operation at the service station. I sent him to buy me some chocolate where there was a really long queue. Once he'd gone I ran back to the car and shouted at my Dad to "Drive Drive Drive!!!". 213 miles later and I'd done it - I'd lost the fucker. I never heard from him again. I always felt bad about this but also relieved as he was a tosser.
Anyway last month I decided to look him up. After a few days of making phone calls to other imaginary acquaintances I found out that Jono is now an ex-lawyer serving time for fraud. It appears that after I'd left him in Winchester he'd caught a train to Brighton and was adopted by a six year old called Alan. Alan was a clever lad and brought out the studious side to Jono. But once a tosser always a tosser so during his time at uni in Cambridge Jono got caught up in the wrong crowd and six years later was sentanced to 12 years in prison on several counts of serious fraud. I sent him a letter - once I knew where he was - trying to get some closure I suppose. He replied with a scrawl saying "go fuck yourself". That's closure then I thought.
It got me thinking though - what happens to all our imaginary friends - do they go on to lead successful lives as masters of industry or do they just fade away and die? Eventually I managed to replace the imaginary friend with an alter-ego. Much more grown up. Depending on whether you are male or female - he's the one wanting to either go out on the piss with you or get into your pants. I'll introduce him another time - you'll like him.
17 Comments:
I look forward to meeting your alter-ego. Congratulations on getting married!
I had an imaginary friend. His name was Ricky. I don't remember what happened to him. I think I woke up one day and he was just gone. Sad, really.
Hmm... I never had an imaginary friend. I write, therefore I make up characters and once the story is finished, I, well... miss them! Does that count?
PS Do you have an RSS feed on your blog?
So if I still have imaginary friends, and, well, multiple personalities, is this a bad thing do you think? :p
My imaginary friend used to be a little talking mouse. I wonder what happened to him.
My imaginary friend was Mr Corbett from Sooty (the old Mr Corbett who you're probably too young to remember, not Matthew Corbett). I can't remember when he stopped being my friend though it might've been when he died. :(
Thanks for stopping by. Splendid comment! The sun and The Sport would pay you a fortune for the rights to that one.
Judging by the blog its nice to see another with a unique sense of humour
linus - I will certainly introduce my alter ego in a future post. You may be upset to hear of his sordid life though. He's a great drinking buddy though. I like to use him when I'm bored.
blonde - ricky probably was kidnapped by somebody without an imaginary friend. There is a whole underground black market for imaginary friends - noramally shipped in from the phillapines.
chicky - with the amount that you write your imaginary friends will more than likely get pissed off and leave. As for the rss feed - I'm working on it. Maybe something tomorrow. I'll let you know.
bonestorm - I don't think it's ever a bad thing. I never had a female imaginary friend and sometimes regret this - I know my alter ego does.
invader stu - sorry to break it to you but he probably died, or was eaten by a bird or cat or something. Or alternatively was made into a little imaginary handbag. Always popular.
Kerie - Normally people stop being your friend when they die or when you start imagining them naked.
Gentleman - please to meet you. Hope you pop back again - please visit www.comoox.com for more stupid shananagins (spelt wrong I think.)
I never had an imaginary friend, well if i did i can't remember!
What I like is this post!! Fantastic - I'm still giggling...
Imaginary friend, no. But I did used to claim I saw ghosts, which was all bullshit, realy - I just liked to scare my friends.
Vindictive little bitch, I am.
Oh, and I may have some business for you. Do you only design blogs or do you do anything for a (very) small upstart business? Email me, would you?
withsocrates[at]hotmail[dot]com
Jono...rofl!!
hanging up his testicles for a life of crosswords, slippers and pipe smoking.This is my LiFE WHY DID YOU STEAL IT.....?HHHMM
Thank you Blogging for Scraps. I'll now need to go into therapy.
I never had any imaginary friends, i did apparently see ghosts instead (though i can't remember).
Your post brought back a few memories about my imaginary friend so I wrote a post as well.
i've never got rid of my imaginary friend. though i don't want to either..he sort of keeps me on track... ;)
Very clever post, interesting theory.
Here are some links that I believe will be interested
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