Bonasera... Bonasera...
The internet. Oh the internet. Like a mothers teat...
Where would the world be now without it eh? I'd like to talk today about several issues. Pornography. Shopping and Randomness.
Pornography:
Let's start with this. Now I'm not going to lie to any of you - I've had a dabble (not as in personally / dressing up as a pizza delivery guy or anything - at least not whilst sober). I liken the internet to someone leaving a big pile of adult magazines and dvd's at the side of your desk. Of course you're going to have a flick through whilst no one is looking but what gets me is how it is now so easy to 'stumble' upon it. And I don't mean 'stumble' as in "how did 100GB of photographs appear on my computer like that officer".... I mean that you could innocently be searching google for words like "naked" and "celebrities" and be overwhelmed by the porn. It's a fucking disgrace.
I also talk now from being a domain name owner. The amount of emails a day I get selling me pallets of penis drugs or viagra or pictures of fat women riding horses is starting to get a little stale. Remember when getting an email was a novelty??
It's got to the point now whereby if you have a genuine illness you have to surf through pages and pages of people having sex with the illness before finding anything useful about it - "man fucks dog with eczema". I'm not going to look but I bet you get 14 million hits with that (and my blogs going to be one now!)
Shopping:
I used to be good at controlling my money. Now I know my credit card number off the top of my head including the security code. I have tried blanking it, sometimes successfully, but when very drunk it comes back to me like a steam train as I fill basket after basket of clothes, books, cds, dvds, funny looking hats and sanitary towels only to find the despatch emails in my inbox in the morning. Wrong. If I walked into my local topman pissed out of my face and filled a trolley full of clothes would they serve me? I'm sure somebody would question my motives. I therefore think that there should be some kind of blood or urine sample that you need to give over before accessing these sites. It could also act as a secure password. Simple.
Randomness:
Just type in monkey donkey fight unicycle into google and you'll find a whole webring of people training donkey's to ride unicycles. It's true. The internet has truly brought out the freaks. If you think of something really really really bizarre then the chances are that somebody somewhere has got a site / blog completely dedicated to it. Whilst setting up my webdesign business my partner and I tredged through good / weird name after bad / insane name in order to try and find something unique. Everything, I repeat everything, was gone. Even the most stupid of made up names. I was amazed. Otter Testicle Designs was taken - can you believe it. My first choice.
Of course the internet is also great. There is something for everyone and how now if you wanted to know something. Within 5 minutes you could have a summary and a link to every detailed site you could ever imagine. I wanted to know how Blackpool Rock was made. I'm happy today.
16 Comments:
I'm here...so the freak thing is sooooo a reality.
I too remember when getting an email was a novelty. Now, 99% of them are a chore.
I think you summed up my whole internet experience. I randomly shop for pornography.
I agree with the whole porn/email thing: I used to run a website and got about 200 spams a day asking if I wanted a penis enlargement - yeah, that's gonna be a goer :P
Re the Google/something for everything thing, there's a game you can play with this. The goal is to come up with a Google search term that gives you one hit. Just one. If you get no hits, you lose. If you get more than one hit, you lose. It is very difficult. Like you've found, the weirdest, most obscure terms will come up with more sites than you would think. See how you do!
Here's to porn. I love it, but it does get tiresome seeing it everywhere. Even on the photo-sharing sites, you find it.
I'm tired of the advertisements and spam where they pretend they know you, or it looks like it could have been a real person.
madameboffin - It's called googlewhacking. I've spent many an hour doing it. It's a very good game. Another part of the rule is that it has to be in dictionary.com. This mean that when google does its search it is underlined on the top left. V. funny.
as far being a website owner, i get spam but am very thankful for spam filters...
what i think is funny is the bizarre searches that hit my blog because people are looking for dirty things on my blog...i'm sure their disappointed.
Just yesterday I noticed a search for someone looking for "Elijiah Wood Nude."
Yikes!
That sounds disgusting.
--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com
Besides my studies I have two part time jobs - one of them is finding website keywords for a company who then optimizes a site so that it'll get high rankings on a search engine. We use a special program for that which enables me to type in a keyword and see what additional words people use in combination with the original one. Let's just say it wasn't fun trying to figure out word combinations for a dining company. I'll never be able to eat ham or most vegetables again.
But then there are the good parts you bring up. I've made many friends over the internet, and even learned that I'm no freak for having a certain interest. Or maybe a freak, but at least not one of a kind.
You are my world.
Remember when getting an email was a novelty??
The good old days! Now it's more a nuisance.
blonde - there's worse than you trust me.
minge - too too true.
bonestorm - snap.
madameboffin - I get some real cryptic emails that totally throw you. the one's with subject lines like re: your grans birthday. Totally weird.
thelliot - yes and yes. I don't know - I bet I'm being hypocritical wih a lot of these things and that I some how fuel this spam thing. I don't know.
blogging - hey that's me what do you want?
rc - oh yeh the searches thing. On my www.comoox.com site I have a category called sex that is written by Britpopbaby. I get loads of hits to this site from people searching on technorati for 'sex'. Yes. I know you all.
linus - 'certain interest' - does this involve crash victims linus?
minge - I hear you baby
chickbabe - It's really odd isn't it. Honestly now I must get about 50 emails a day. I'd say 2-3 of them are actually for me, as in they are not selling me porn or rolex watches or finance deals in nigeria.
But with out the randomness of the internet we would not have Gogglewhacking (no that is not a porn reference as much as it sounds like one)
monkey donkey fight unicycle
WTF? Why would people do this??
Porn is undenyably easy to find.. which is terrible for all the small children of the world.
When I was about 11 years old... I decided to go to Cinderella.com, because I was obsessed with the Disney classic.
well lets just say these Cinderellas weren't in their gowns.
Poor 11-year-old Whitney was scarred for life.
yep you've got the internet down to a tee
"man fucks dog with eczema"
...
this got me uncontrollably giggling. and its just one of those things you can't explain over lunch to your new workmates!!!! :)))) they must think Im an idiot...
this post is so funny!!!!
My story about embarrassing search results was while teaching english in a secondary school a couple of years ago. For one of the classes all the kids had to use the internet to look up something related to space ... bad idea... Look for information on the Milky Way or Black Hole and you'll see why...It was a class of 16-year-olds, you can imagine it became their all time favourite english class.
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