The day the sky fell in...
I'm sorry that I have neglected you but my mind and body has not quite been focussed.
Four years ago my girlfriend had skin cancer. An innocent mole near to her ear had turned malignant. After having it removed tests confirmed that its depth of 6.9mm was not a good sign. Statitics told us that only 40% of people with this type of melanoma live 10 years. Fortunately a larger excision, CT scan and assessment of her lymph nodes showed us that it had not appeared to have spread. That was four years ago.
A few weeks back a mark close to the original mole was identified and promptly removed. A biopsy confirmed that it was cancerous. After two tearful hours at the hospital we knew what we would have to face. "We're back to square one" we discussed. A meeting with the plastic surgeon on Monday confirmed our vague speculations. The fact that the melanoma has grown back from the original is not good news. We were then told that it is more than likely that the cancer has spread and that we should prepare ourselves for this. A CT scan and further operation to remove more skin is scheduled and a meeting with the Oncologist to talk of 'treatments' is now due.
We could both hardly walk out of the hospital. Numbness. I managed to get her to the car and I drove home. Both of us in silence. I'm a typical man - hard and cold exterior. Talking to my mother on the telephone I broke down for the first time in years. The tears came to such extent that I had to hang up the phone. It was as if somebody had opened a tap and they wouldn't stop.
We decided to go away for a few days to prepare our minds. So we've been in Wales for that past week going through NLP techniques and focussing on positive thoughts. Tomorrow (monday) she is in surgery to have more of the area around the mole removed as the first step to stop the cancer spreading further. The next two weeks are critical. The results of the CT scan will show whether the cancer has visibly spread. We are told this because melanoma is the bitch of all cancers. Capable of lying undetected for years before rearing its ugly head at any location in the body. A sobering thought.
Four years ago we shrugged everything off and got on with our lives. We're now taking this a lot more seriously. I think this is likely to change our lives. The days are hard at the moment with flowers arriving and people dropping in for sympathetic cups of tea. We're both positive people but my head isn't really in it at the moment.
Sorry for the seriousness of the post. I'll keep you updated and try to visit all your sites very soon.
16 Comments:
hey, that is some very sad news. my mother had breast cancer, and whiltst i'm sure it doesn't make me better suited to understanding the pain and shock you must both feel, i just wanted to offer some kind of support. something i learned was that it's very important to be positive. she used to say that she could feel the cancer cells being 'eaten up' by the chemo drugs. also, there's loads of research being done and new treatments coming out all the time.
having spent a lot of time shouldering the burden of a sick mother i know how hard it also is for the unsick person, and no words will ever really help, but i think it's important to know that people are there for you. i'm glad you have people sending flowers and making tea. everything helps. i don't know you, but i'll keep you and your girlfriend in my thoughts every day.
I don't know what to say. I hope everything goes alright.
My thoughts are with you and your fiancee. I hope you both come through this okay. Don't lose hope - cancer can be beaten. My uncle had a cancerous kidney which had to be removed. It was successful and, due to it's location (in a removable organ), there hasn't been a relapse. He was very lucky. Your girlfriend can be very lucky too - I can't stress how important it is for you both to stay positive and think positively about the outcome. It's not false hope it's a will to make it right.
So sorry to hear your unfortunate news. I am in aggreement with madameboffin, "It's not false hope it's a will to make it right." It is imperative to stay positive and focus on beating that nasty envader. Channel all your energy on the way you want things to go. We've all been touched by cancer in one way or another and dealing with it is not easy. Keep your head up and hang in there. Best wishes and lots of love to both of you.
I'm very saddened by your news and I know it's very difficult to find the right words to say in such a situation. I'm not even sure that words mean anything when it all seems so unfair. I'm sending a lot of positive thoughts your way.
Hi. Just stay positive and strong and don't get sick with worry. That's important for both of you. These days cancer treatment is really so advanced and amazing results are achieved everyday. I'll be thinking of both of you, big hugz.
You are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.
Dude my thoughts are with you and your fiancee.
Hey don't feel you need to keeping writing as often as you normaly do! And don't worry about coming by our blogs!
^^^ I second that. By no means worry about us. My mom had malignant melanoma when I was little, so I have a vague recollection of what you must be going through. She got through it, and your girlfriend easily could, too. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you both. Take care.
Cheers guys. It means a lot to me that you're there.
Lou is doing fine after coming out of hospital today.
One week until full body CT scan followed by a meeting with the oncologist the following week. I'll let you all know the outcome.
Matt.
While I understand that no words from any us can really make you feel any better I still want to second what people have already said; my thoughts are with you and I'm really hoping for the best for you both! I SO hope that you'll get positive news and that you're going ahead with the plans for your wedding, stay focused on the positive things. Best wishes to you!!
I'm very sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your girlfriend - I know it isn't much, but at least it is something.
Cancer is indeed a bitch, but as has already been said there are good ways to combat it nowadays. I know you'll be able to pull through. After all, you have a baby-thing to argue about in the future :-)
Let us know how it goes.
Scraps, you and your girl are going through a hell of a lot. I almost lost my mom to cancer and it is so all consuming--the fight. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. I will see what I can get any cosmic favors for you if that doesn't bother you, mate.
I peeked in and found your post today.
I'm so sorry hear this.
My sister went through a skin cancer scare, but after a second opinion it was learned it wasn't.
I recall hearing a few years back some promising news on a skin cancer vaccine.
It helps people who already have it, by stimulating the immune system to attack the cancer cells...
I don't know where this study stands today.
I found a few websites which discuss it,
most of the stories date from the 1999-2000 period.
One link is a BBC story perhaps there is a English Med school studying it?
Here are some links:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/759578.stm
http://www.news.harvard.
edu/gazette/2000/11.02/01-cancer.html
http://www.mayoclinic.org
/news2004-rst/2370.html
^^this dates from 2004 and contains phone numbers of people at the Mayo clinic, a top class A-list medical institution here in the US
http://www.mpip.org/
^^ this is a Melanoma infomation site which discuss the latest treatments ...
Your in my thoughts, take care... S
I'm not sure if the BBC link fit on the page so here it is again.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi
/health/759578.stm
I am sending bright light and positive energy in droves, Matt, for your girlfriend and for you. Keep positive thoughts in your head and your heart!
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